Sunday Scribblings - Goodbyes

This week's Sunday Scribblings prompt is goodbyes.

I don't know if I can write this post; I feel the tears starting already. On December 17, 2006, I said goodbye to my house. In doing so, I also said goodbye to my independence, my privacy and a good chunk of my self esteem. And I said goodbye to a lot of my "stuff" that I just could not keep. It wasn't our idea to move. J was unable to work for health reasons and the savings had run out. The house went into foreclosure. Selling was not an option; the house needed a lot of work to make it salable and there was not enough equity left to do it. Our only option was to vacate. I did not want to move but I had to start packing anyway.

This was a very personal and painful process for me. I am the kind of person who wraps her memories around things. Sometimes to the point of ridiculousness. I had unidentified movie ticket stubs and popsicle sticks from the 1960's. I suppose I thought I would make a scrapbook or something. This move forced me to choose what bits and pieces had real meaning and which had to be told goodbye. I gave some precious things to friends who would treasure them as I had done. Our niece who was setting up housekeeping for the first time was the happy recipient of the dishes and silverware I had purchased in my bachelor girl days (and was still using) and even some wedding gifts. I donated useful things to charity, and we took a literal ton of magazines and papers to the recycle lot. No, really. We added up how many grocery bags of paper goods went, in five trips, and their average weight. We topped 2000 pounds of recycling.

We are starting to settle into a routine here, but I have periods of melancholy when I think about our nice little house and our old lifestyle, and how it is all gone. I miss being able to do what I want, when I want. I miss being surrounded by all of my books, magazines, videos and mementos. I feel like a tip of an iceberg, where most of me (i.e., my stuff) is buried out of reach. I suppose time will heal these feelings, but for now, I am still saying goodbye.

Before I posted this, I saved the draft and went around to read other Sunday Scribblings. After reading about the significant losses of others, relationships, family members...I wondered if I should just chuck this post altogether. A part of me said no, grieving is grieving, whether for people, things or intangibles.