I grew up on a farm in west central Minnesota, a mile from the nearest town of 300 people. We visited my mother's sister in Minneapolis often and, in my mind, urban life made my rural existence pale by comparison. I could hardly wait to graduate and leave small town life behind.

Fast forward thirty-five years. College, office jobs, marriage, the usual; except no children (by chance, not by choice). My husband's job layoff and subsequent heart attack turned our lives upside down. We found, without his income, we could no longer afford our city lifestyle. At the same time my mother, now 86, still lived on the family farm but had reached a point where she could no longer live there alone. We solved both problems by moving back home in December of 2006.

I envision this blog as a chronicle of our adaptation to rural life, as well as a home for my thoughts, opinions, memoirs, and maybe even recipes. ~January 15, 2007

This photo is courtesy of Gracey at Morguefile.com who is kind enough to allow this use of her photos for free. This is not a photo of the area where I live, but I chose it for its similarity. At some point I will replace it with a photo of our Minnesota farm. At this writing it is -10F so I will not be taking any outdoor photos anytime soon.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Lock Your Doors!

This video is making the rounds on blogs. I decided to jump on the bandwagon because it is so important it needs all the publicity it can get. Out here in the rural areas we get careless because we mistakenly think these things only happen in the cities.

Personally I think the best tip of all is not to leave the keys in the ignition. My entire family was nearly killed in a highway accident that would not have happened if a local teenager had not found her neighbor's car with the keys in it.

Please consider either posting this on your blog or directing readers here or to YouTube to see it. And stay safe.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Five things that made me smile

I've been tagged by JTL to write five things that have made me smile this week. After writing the Goodbye post, I need some cheering up. Here goes.

  • Finding a recipe for avocado pie and then being told by the grocery man that avocados are going on sale next week for 68 cents each. Avocados are like gold in Minnesota. Anything under $1.50 each is a steal. I am so jealous of folks who can go out in the backyard and pick as many as they wish. I once stayed in a California home where the avocado tree was groaning with fruit. Standing under it was like standing under a money tree. I felt like those were dollar bills hanging down over my head.
  • Playing Neopets with my eight-year-old niece. Her parents want her to be older before she has her own internet accounts but they are allowing her to play Neopets on an account in my name when she is here visiting, which is every Friday night. This is more interactive for the two of us than it probably sounds. Our only working computer at the moment is the laptop. Lacking a desk, we have to balance the unit on our laps, on top of a piece of wood (for air circulation) and a pillow (for comfort). She just does not have enough "lap" to manage it. So, when she and I play on the computer, I sit in the recliner and hold it all in my lap while she sits on an ottoman at my side and plays her games. In such close quarters, definitely quality time.
  • My current cross stitch project. It is my most ambitious piece so far, and I am pushing to finish it for a friend's birthday party, with less than a week left. With every stitch I picture the look on her face when she opens it. We have known each other for over 30 years, and she has been such a steadfast friend through all our recent difficulties. I will have a progress photo posted later today on that blog. Of course I realize I will now have to start friendship pieces for several other friends who have been just as steadfast and supportive. That's part of the joy of doing cross stitch: giving it away.
  • Listening to J playing with the outdoor kitties under my window. He has never been around kittens before. His mother did not allow their family to have any pets when he was growing up. I had a cat when he met me but she was full grown, so this is new to him. He has taken on the task of feeding them every day, which now entails dressing in layers of warm clothes (it has been below zero here for several days now and is expected to stay there for a few more days) and hauling water and catfood to the former chickencoop where the outside cats live. They follow him around like the Pied Piper. He picks up each one in turn and loves them up. It is so sweet to watch. Smitten with kittens. More about the cats here.
  • This website. I check it every day to see if there is anything new or any new concerts scheduled. If I need cheering up I just browse the photo gallery. I may blog in the future about what this guy has meant to me and how he has changed my life.

Sunday Scribblings - Goodbyes

This week's Sunday Scribblings prompt is goodbyes.

I don't know if I can write this post; I feel the tears starting already. On December 17, 2006, I said goodbye to my house. In doing so, I also said goodbye to my independence, my privacy and a good chunk of my self esteem. And I said goodbye to a lot of my "stuff" that I just could not keep. It wasn't our idea to move. J was unable to work for health reasons and the savings had run out. The house went into foreclosure. Selling was not an option; the house needed a lot of work to make it salable and there was not enough equity left to do it. Our only option was to vacate. I did not want to move but I had to start packing anyway.

This was a very personal and painful process for me. I am the kind of person who wraps her memories around things. Sometimes to the point of ridiculousness. I had unidentified movie ticket stubs and popsicle sticks from the 1960's. I suppose I thought I would make a scrapbook or something. This move forced me to choose what bits and pieces had real meaning and which had to be told goodbye. I gave some precious things to friends who would treasure them as I had done. Our niece who was setting up housekeeping for the first time was the happy recipient of the dishes and silverware I had purchased in my bachelor girl days (and was still using) and even some wedding gifts. I donated useful things to charity, and we took a literal ton of magazines and papers to the recycle lot. No, really. We added up how many grocery bags of paper goods went, in five trips, and their average weight. We topped 2000 pounds of recycling.

We are starting to settle into a routine here, but I have periods of melancholy when I think about our nice little house and our old lifestyle, and how it is all gone. I miss being able to do what I want, when I want. I miss being surrounded by all of my books, magazines, videos and mementos. I feel like a tip of an iceberg, where most of me (i.e., my stuff) is buried out of reach. I suppose time will heal these feelings, but for now, I am still saying goodbye.

Before I posted this, I saved the draft and went around to read other Sunday Scribblings. After reading about the significant losses of others, relationships, family members...I wondered if I should just chuck this post altogether. A part of me said no, grieving is grieving, whether for people, things or intangibles.



Friday, February 2, 2007

The First 30 Days

We have lived here for 30 days now. I'm counting from January 1, after the holidays were over and we could get back to normal, whatever that is going to be.

One month of rural living.

Personally, I missed most of it. I have SAD. The first three weeks in January are the bottom of the black hole. SAD is like having PMS, with one week spread out over three months. The symptoms are so similar, I wouldn't be surprised if they find a connection someday. One would think that the bottom of the cycle would coincide with the shortest day of the year, but I seem to have a delayed reaction. My brain defers the worst of it for mid-January, for which I am thankful, as it would certainly ruin my Christmas even more than it currently does.

The fatigue is the worst, followed by the carb cravings. Left on my own, with no obligations, I would crawl in bed with a big bag of Oreos and not come out until spring. Mom and J suffered through it with me, putting up with my moodiness, not seeing it as a character defect. They know this, too, will pass. J has been by my side through these episodes for many years now, but it was the first time my mother was seeing it first-hand. I think she found it a bit disconcerting, this shift in personality. She understands the nature of it, now, but it took some doing on my part to convince her it is really a disorder and not just laziness on my part.

There are treatments for this. Prozac or something similar would help, but I don't want to go that route. I was on Prozac for several years to help with PDD, which is the disorder level of PMS. When I cam out the other side of The Big M, nearly two years ago, the PDD just disappeared on its own, and I weaned myself from the prescription. I didn't like what it did to me, even on what my doctor termed a "teeny, tiny" dose. It gave me a nap attack every day. With the fatigue of the SAD I don't need to feel any sleepier than I already do.

I can't afford the fancy lightbox. I have the full-spectrum lightbulbs; I do feel better when I spend extra time under them in the winter, but this year I have not had time. We have at least 100 boxes to unpack, to assimilate our stuff into the household, and put into storage whatever we can do without. I try to work on it everyday. I have to have it finished before the hot weather arrives, as there are boxes of items in the attic and garage that will be damaged by the heat.

Herbal supplements help. I take ginseng, which helps mental acuity, and maca root, which fights the fatigue from both the SAD and the menopause. Since I have been off Prozac I have gone back to St. John's Wort, which is a mild natural antidepressant that does not cause sleepiness, at least not for me.

So, the first thirty days were spent, when I could get myself out of bed, unpacking and also shopping for supplies to stock a larder than now has to feed three mouths instead of one.

Oh, and I started these blogs. At least I can claim something worthwhile accomplished. I've made a few blogfriends and I hope to meet more. Perhaps the new year isn't off to such a bad start, after all.