The First 30 Days

We have lived here for 30 days now. I'm counting from January 1, after the holidays were over and we could get back to normal, whatever that is going to be.

One month of rural living.

Personally, I missed most of it. I have SAD. The first three weeks in January are the bottom of the black hole. SAD is like having PMS, with one week spread out over three months. The symptoms are so similar, I wouldn't be surprised if they find a connection someday. One would think that the bottom of the cycle would coincide with the shortest day of the year, but I seem to have a delayed reaction. My brain defers the worst of it for mid-January, for which I am thankful, as it would certainly ruin my Christmas even more than it currently does.

The fatigue is the worst, followed by the carb cravings. Left on my own, with no obligations, I would crawl in bed with a big bag of Oreos and not come out until spring. Mom and J suffered through it with me, putting up with my moodiness, not seeing it as a character defect. They know this, too, will pass. J has been by my side through these episodes for many years now, but it was the first time my mother was seeing it first-hand. I think she found it a bit disconcerting, this shift in personality. She understands the nature of it, now, but it took some doing on my part to convince her it is really a disorder and not just laziness on my part.

There are treatments for this. Prozac or something similar would help, but I don't want to go that route. I was on Prozac for several years to help with PDD, which is the disorder level of PMS. When I cam out the other side of The Big M, nearly two years ago, the PDD just disappeared on its own, and I weaned myself from the prescription. I didn't like what it did to me, even on what my doctor termed a "teeny, tiny" dose. It gave me a nap attack every day. With the fatigue of the SAD I don't need to feel any sleepier than I already do.

I can't afford the fancy lightbox. I have the full-spectrum lightbulbs; I do feel better when I spend extra time under them in the winter, but this year I have not had time. We have at least 100 boxes to unpack, to assimilate our stuff into the household, and put into storage whatever we can do without. I try to work on it everyday. I have to have it finished before the hot weather arrives, as there are boxes of items in the attic and garage that will be damaged by the heat.

Herbal supplements help. I take ginseng, which helps mental acuity, and maca root, which fights the fatigue from both the SAD and the menopause. Since I have been off Prozac I have gone back to St. John's Wort, which is a mild natural antidepressant that does not cause sleepiness, at least not for me.

So, the first thirty days were spent, when I could get myself out of bed, unpacking and also shopping for supplies to stock a larder than now has to feed three mouths instead of one.

Oh, and I started these blogs. At least I can claim something worthwhile accomplished. I've made a few blogfriends and I hope to meet more. Perhaps the new year isn't off to such a bad start, after all.